The Truth About Chemistry

So it happened! You met someone special. You felt an instant connection…in a way you’d never felt before. The chemistry was ah-maze-ing. The way he looked at you made your heart skip some serious beats. Everything about it felt RIGHT. For once! And……. It ended up dying just as fast as it started. Sound familiar? Err…..I get it. Women are constantly telling me about experiences like this. Where the chemistry is SO strong….that it just feels ‘meant to be’. But here’s the thing they often miss. That spark they felt… That mad chemistry they had… Only means ONE thing… That they had great chemistry with that person. That’s IT :) Nothing more. Nothing less. See, chemistry tells us jack sh*t about what our relationship will be like with someone. Chemistry doesn’t mean the person will be a great partner for you. Chemistry doesn’t mean you’re meant to be with them. Chemistry doesn’t mean that you’re soul-mates because you have this deep connection. It simply means…..you have chemistry. Period. Here’s the thing about chemistry. While it’s FUN as hell….it’s also the greatest trickster in the love department. Yes, it feels exciting. Yes, it’s a mad rush and can feel wildly addictive. But when it comes to having a healthy long term relationship with someone… Chemistry is not an effective way to measure how compatible you’ll be. It simply means there’s an intense energy between you two. That’s IT. How do I know? Well, take for example EVERY person you’ve ever felt chemistry with. Where the sex was off the charts, the kissing was mind-blowing, and the energy was intense. It felt amazing, yes? But are you still with them now? Errrr….based on the fact that you’re still reading this…..my guess is no ;-) The truth is that who you have chemistry with says absolutely NOTHING about who will actually be a good partner for you. I mean…..you can have chemistry with someone you’re not even attracted to in the slightest…but there’s an intense raw energy there. Or you can have chemistry with someone who you hardly have a thing in common with….who would make an awful partner for you. The problem is that people often mistake chemistry for something that’s BIG and meant to be. Yes, chemistry is sexy. Yes, chemistry is fun. But it’s NOT an indicator that you’re supposed to be in a relationship with a person. In fact…sometimes….. The MORE chemistry you have with someone…the MORE blinded you are to the fact that you’re NOT a good match with that person. You can become so enamored with your hot connection and the intense eye contact that you fail to see that that person is completely wrong for you! (#oops) Often times that can lead to unhealthy relationships — spending months or even years with someone whose not right for you….but who the chemistry led you to believe was ‘the one’. So what’s the best way to navigate these intense connections filled with chemistry? Here’s what I’ve learned… Long lasting love and great relationships don’t necessarily come from a FEELING (aka: hot steamy I-want-your-body FEELING.) They come from compatibility and your values and direction lining up with someone. Does that mean you shouldn’t have chemistry with someone you’re in relationship with? Hell no! ;-) Chemistry is awesome and YES you want to feel great chemistry with the person you choose to be with. My point here is simply that we can’t use CHEMISTRY to determine who we should be in a long term relationship with. We can’t use chemistry to determine who is right for us partner wise. Chemistry is just ONE of the many important qualities that we need to pay attention to when deciding who to partner up with. So the next time you’ve got some steamy ass chemistry with a new person…

And you’re all high on the drug of your connection… Make sure to check in with yourself and ask: Is this someone who would make a great partner for me? Is this someone who I’m truly aligned with values wise? Do I love the way this person treats me on a regular basis….even when we’re not hot and steamy? Do I feel like I’m my best self around this person? If not…you may end up getting totally side-tracked in a relationship that’s completely wrong for you (but in some way….FEELS so right). So enjoy the sparks….but make sure you keep your head on your shoulders too ;-) You got this! Melanie :)

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