Do you find that you go on a lot of first dates….but have a hard time getting seconds?
Women often come to me confused as to why their dating lives aren’t working.
In fact, just yesterday a woman reached out to me asking if I had any thoughts on why she’s not able to get second dates.
She said that all of her first dates ‘seem’ to be going really well — so she's confused as to what could be getting in her way.
While there’s no simple answer for this….there are a handful of reasons that your first dates might not be turning into seconds.
Here are the top five that I see showing up with my clients:
1) You’re approaching dating from your mind, not your heart.
This is the Masculine energy vs. Feminine Energy at play. So often I find women approaching dating from their minds. They’re trying so hard to figure out ‘is he the one for me’….that they fail to relax and come from their hearts on their dates. While it’s great to be checking out the man you’re with from a rational head space — it’s also KEY to make sure you’re not all ‘head’. Masculine men crave feminine energy…and the essence of feminine energy comes from being in your heart. (Plus…regardless of what a guy likes……it feels a whole lot juicier to come from that place, period!) :) If a masculine man can’t feel you relaxed and in your heart….it makes sense if there might not be that much spark for them.
2) Scarcity mentality around dating.
This is the fear that there aren’t enough good men out there and the fear that you won’t find love. When you’re stuck in a fear mindset….and you think there’s a lack of great guys….you’ll be clenched up energetically and not relaxed. Men can feel that. If you’re feeling ‘desperate’ for a man in any way, shape or form….they can feel that too. High quality men are drawn to women who feel solid in themselves and who feel at peace on a certain level. If you’re anxious about finding a partner…that energy can push men away.
3) Old limiting beliefs in your system that are unconsciously attracting you to unavailable men or men who aren’t a fit for you.
If you have limiting beliefs like "I’m not good enough" or "I’m too much" or "Men will leave me" or "Dating is hard" etc…— you will inadvertently be magnetized to people and circumstances that prove those beliefs true. Our external worlds are very much a reflection of our internal worlds. So if your external world is bringing a ton of experiences that you don’t want….it’s key to start investigating what’s going on inside and clean that up.
4) Not being as discerning as possible with who you’re going out with.
A lot of times, women are so eager to get out there and meet new men that they fail to be as discerning as possible with who they’re saying yes to. If you’re drawing in a lot of people who aren’t good matches for you….it’s key to look at who you’re saying yes to, the process by which you’re picking people, and also what you’re putting out there online in terms of your own profile (that is, if you’re meeting men on apps or online dating). A lot of people miss red flags in profiles because they’re too busy focusing on all the things they think they like about the person. When you master this process more….and become more discerning with the men you choose to go out with….you’ll pick men who you’re more aligned with and who end up being better matches for you. And when you're going out with better matches….you’re more likely to click more naturally — which will lead to more second dates.
5) Not being fulfilled in your own life to a certain degree and looking for a man to ‘complete’ you.
If you’re unhappy in your life…and hoping a man will fix that….it’s going to be WAY harder to connect with a high quality man. Because conscious, high quality men are attracted to women who value themselves and know their worth. When you’re looking to a man to be your ‘savior’ — you’re coming from a disempowered place and putting all your power in HIS hands. If that’s the case….most likely you’re also walking on eggshells around him….worried that you might do or say the ‘wrong’ thing to push him away. But here’s the thing….if you’re egg shelling it….you won’t be coming from your most authentic self and men can feel that. When you stop looking to men to make you happy…and you feel fulfilled within yourself….your energy will be way more relaxed and magnetic….which will not only feel freakin great….but it will increase your chances of making longer lasting, authentic connections with men.
I’m curious….do any of these resonate with you?
If so….it’s KEY to take a deep dive in whatever area you connect with above….and make sure you’re coming from a ‘clean’ and clear place in that area.
The good news is…. you don’t have to be stuck in any of these areas. And it doesn’t have to take a long time to shift out of it! (#seriously!)
If you’re someone who finds yourself endlessly stuck in the dating department….
And you realize that you’re struggling with some of the issues above….
I’d be happy to talk with you and see if my one on one coaching program might be a good fit for you.
Because you don’t have to feel stuck trying to figure this all out on your own!
If you’re curious to learn more…
Feel free to book a complimentary call to talk with me here.
Until next time!
Rooting you on 🙌
PS: I always love hearing from you and knowing where you're at with these things. Do you resonate with any of the 5 issues above? If yes, which one(s)?