So I used to stay in relationships way past their expiration dates.
Despite the fact that deep inside I knew they weren't really right for me.
Why did I stay?
Because I was driven by fear.
Fear of being alone.
Fear that I wouldn't find someone better.
Fear that this was the best that I could do.
Fear that I would be judged for being single.
Fear of not fitting in.
And while many times, there was a persistent little voice inside my head whispering: "Leave! Get out! This isn't right!" -- the voice of my fears spoke way louder, so that was the voice I tended to listen to.
I used to resist that still, quiet voice that lived inside my heart.
The voice that would say "leave".
Because often times that voice would whisper strands of truths that I just wasn't ready to face yet.
And so I would freeze in terror and do nothing -- paralyzed by the fear of what might happen if I followed that raw guidance.
But what I've learned over the years is that the more I resist that guidance -- the more I find myself stuck and lost in a downward spiral of fear.
However the more courage I'm willing to muster up and the braver I'm willing to become -- listening to my intuition -- the more I'm rewarded with a deep sense of peace, fulfillment, and aliveness that I had previously never known before.
So how do we know which voice is which?
How do we know which voice is fear -- trying to get us to stay 'safe' and comfortable? And which voice is our intuition -- guiding us to be brave and take a risk for our highest good?
Because when both voices feel terrifying to listen to -- it's hard to know which one is speaking.
The easiest way I've found to distinguish between the two thoughts/ 'inner voices' is by answering the following questions:
1) Is there a 'should' attached to one of the thoughts? Meaning....does some part of you think you "should" stay because of X, Y and Z? Or does some part of you think you "should" walk away or else your friends will judge you etc? If there is a "should" attached to any of the thoughts....that is a clear sign that the thought is attached to a fear, and not coming from your highest truth.
2) Which thought makes you feel open and expansive and which one makes you feel shut down? When you get quiet and tune into yourself, notice which thought feels peaceful inside and which one causes you to feel contracted. If the idea of staying in a relationship feels stressful and makes you feel contracted inside -- that's a good sign that it’s not aligned with your core truth. And if the idea of walking away, while scary, makes you feel a sense of peace and expansiveness in your heart -- then that's an indication that that choice is more aligned with your intuition. By paying attention to how your body responds to your thoughts -- you can discover which is the voice of fear and which is the voice of intuition.
This is SO important!
Because in order to grow we need to press against our edge.
We need to feel our hearts beat uncomfortably and stretch beyond where we've gone before.
But before we can do that it's key that we know which voice is leading us.
When we follow the voice of our intuition and our deepest truth -- then life rewards us with an expansiveness and sense of fulfillment that we just can't experience if we stay 'safe' and nestled in our fears and comfort zones.
So if you're on the fence about a relationship you're in (or hell, anything you're struggling with!) -- then I encourage you to ask yourself the above questions and tune in to what the truest, deepest YES is for you.
I encourage you to listen and honor that quiet, knowing voice that's whispering in your ear to do that thing that you've been resisting.
Because that is where your highest growth lies.
In following that call.
While it's not always easy to follow our intuition -- it truly reaps the most delicious rewards!
If you find yourself struggling with making decisions that are in your highest good .... and with dating and relationships in general -- feel free to set up a time to talk with mehere.
I open up several spots a week to talk with people like you — and I'd be happy to explore if working together feels like a good fit :)