Good at You

I know what it's like -- going on date after date -- struggling to find a high quality man who is just right for you. Or worse, finding guys seem amazing -- only to have them disappear and turn out to be unavailable. 

 

I get it -- because I was there myself. 

 

And I was SO confused!!! It just didn't. Make. Sense.

 

 * I was healthy. 

 * Happy. 

 * Fit

 * I had incredible, fun, loyal friends

 * I could tell jokes that would make people spit out their drinks

 * Did Personal Growth work and owned my "stuff"

 * I took amazing trips and traveled

 * I was passionate.

 * Well educated.

 *Was close with my family.

 * I had a job I loved.

 

All in all....I thought....ummm...shouldn't I sort of be a......CATCH?!! 

 

As each year passed and I STILL wasn't meeting anyone I deeply loved, I started to wonder the secretly shaming question...

 

"Is there something wrong with me?" 

 

Is there some major flaw I have that I'm just not seeing?

That none of my friends are gutsy enough to tell me?

AM I being too picky?? (I mean, my mom couldn't be right, could she?!)

 

And as the end of my baby making years started creeping up on me....I started thinking....shit. Is this really NOT going to happen?

 

I always thought I'd be a mom. A wife. Drive the kids to soccor games and have family dinners and take vacations together. Cry and laugh together and dork dance in the kitchen to Michael Jackson while cooking dinner. 

I had this big vision for my life. Yet none of it was what I had. 

 

I had everything except what I REALLY wanted: a BIG LOVE.

 

Sometimes hopelessness would creep in. A feeling of: "Is this really meant to be my life? Will I never get the thing I long for most? A big love. 

 

I would often vaccilate between hopelessness and faith. 

It just depended on where I was at in the moment and what the last experience was to find it's way on my plate. 

 

Up and down. Up and down my emotions would go. Date after date.  False start after false start with each new romantic relationship I entered.

 

I've always been a huge personal development junkie....and so I was determined to figure out just why I was having such a hard time finding the right partnership. There had to be something I wasn't seeing clearly. Some blind spot. And I was determined to find it! 

Years later, after doing a ton of personal and spiritual work, reading every book by every expert that I heard was a must have....going to every workshop.....