Choose Someone Who Chooses You
So we've all been there before.
Whether it's a person you've been dating casually, someone you hardly know, or someone you've been in a relationship with for many years....
We've all had the experience of chasing after someone who wasn't giving us the attention and connection we desired. Perhaps you tried to desperately get attention from someone you had a giant crush on in hopes that they might finally 'see' you and realize how amazing you are. Or perhaps the person you were dating felt distant -- and so you started doing nice things in hopes of getting their attention and affection again. Regardless of what the circumstance is....chasing after someone feels plain old awful!
However, what most people don’t realize is that the pain we feel isn't because the other person isn't giving us the attention we want. (As much as it FEELS like that's the reason!) What REALLY creates the pain we're feeling are the negative and limiting beliefs that are running 'unchecked' within ourselves; beliefs that have been unconsciously running us all along. It’s actually our unexamined beliefs that are the source of our pain. (Say wha?!) See, when we chase after someone, there are some core beliefs that we're unconsciously hooked into that create the desire to reach for someone whose not reaching for us. Usually they're beliefs that we don't realize we have, such as: "I'm not safe without you" "If I lose you no one will ever love me this way again" "I'm not enough"
"I'm too much" "I can't do this on my own"
"Time's running out" If you really think about it .... these kinds of limiting, fearful beliefs are what drive our need to chase.
See, we only chase when we feel unsafe -- and when we believe we NEED someone or something outside of us to make us happy. However, instead of chasing after someone -- and losing our self-esteem in the process ... it would be WAY more powerful to do some inner-work around the core underlying beliefs that are driving the chase -- and clear them once and for all. To really take the time necessary to gut these beliefs from the inside out! This is something I work with my clients on in great depth ... because I find that most ALL of the pain in our lives really stems from our core limiting beliefs. When you work on your limiting beliefs and realize that the only reason you’re chasing someone is because of insecurities you have within yourself…..THAT’S when you really start to make progress!
When you can lovingly let go of the idea that someone else can 'save you' and make you feel safe — and look at how YOU can show up more fully for yourself.... then you TRULY start to take your power back! Because if you're looking to someone else to make you feel whole and complete....then you're actively diminishing your self-esteem and giving away all of your power. And uhhh, who wants that, right?! (Plus, when you're handing your power over to someone else...they can feel it energetically and it usually comes off as needy, clingy and unattractive. No bueno!) The key is to choose people who choose you.
If someone is meant to be in your life -- you won't have to TRY to get them to be with you. They will naturally feel connected to you and want to show up in your life. On the other hand, if you're dating someone or are interested in someone and they're not showing up for you or showing much interest in you --- then the most self-honoring thing you can do is to lovingly let them go. For the record....if they don't choose you it doesn't mean they're a 'bad' person or that they're 'messed up' in some way. It simply means that for whatever reason.... they're not at a place in their life where they feel connected to you. And that's okay :) I mean, why would you want someone in your life who doesn't want to be there anyway, right? Unless, that is.... you have those pesky limiting beliefs taking over!
In which case, you might sacrifice your self-esteem to chase after someone because you think that somehow, they're the answer to your problems! If that's the case .... the good news is that YOU have the power to dig deep and look at what's really going on underneath the surface so you can turn it around. Because really, when it comes down to it....it's ALL about you doing your own inner-work. Once you're in a good, healthy, and balanced place within yourself ….the kinds of people you'll attract will be such a better fit for you....and navigating hiccups in relationships will get SO much easier as well! So if you find yourself chasing after someone, and thinking "If only that person would pick me or show up, my life would be sooo much better' --- then listen, I know you're struggling. I know you're anxious. And I know it sucks. The good news is you don't have to feel this way!
And this stuff is TOTALLY turn-around-able! If you’re ready to break free from old limiting beliefs that are impacting your self-esteem and holding you back in love -- then feel free to apply for a consultation call with me here.
These calls are for people who are serious about making a HUGE change in their relationship world THIS year… and who are ready to completely turn things around by working with a coach on these deeper issues.
If this is you, let’s talk. I’d love to learn more about what you’re struggling with and see if working together feels like a good fit.
Because this 'chasing' thing is just pulling you down ... and really, there's a much EASIER way to find a great partner! I promise ;-)
Here in your corner!
Melanie
